To my dear Luz.

I remember the last time we spoke I was at the airport waiting for a flight to D.C.. You asked me, with an unexpected, slight tone of plea in your voice, to come see you in Mexico. “I promise that as soon as I return, I will go see you,” I replied. Even though you struggled with poor health for so many years, you continued to smile so beautifully. Unknowingly, I began to take your life and time with me for granted. I failed to realize that for you, your health was a daily struggle, slowly deteriorating your body.

I was already home from D.C. for a few days when I listened to that dreary voicemail Fernando left me. I didn’t know what to make of the news, no feelings or thoughts of what happened crossed my mind. I didn’t comprehend the gravity of the news until I stepped into your home and the elements of your presence was gone. The light that filled your dilapidated house had burnt out.

My dear Luz, you knew what was to become of you. You so badly wanted a chance to say goodbye to me and my fate took it from you. The only thing that comforts me is that we were not meant to say good bye to each other. Even though you are no longer here, I can still feel your arms around me when I am feeling down and blue. I can still hear you tell me “Sigue luchando” (keep fighting) when I am utterly discouraged and tired wanting to give up. And when I have accomplished something that no one else realizes what it means to me, I can still see your pure and sincere smile expressing how proud and happy you are.

Forgive me for not being by your side when you were preparing for that arduous trip. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through being alone with no one to hold your hand and comfort you. Knowing that you had to take the bus to the hospital alone shatters my heart to a million pieces. I can picture your small and frail body walking the street from the bus stop to the hospital only to be turned away because they didn’t see anything wrong with you. So you returned to your empty house to lay in bed and wait for what the night had in store for you, knowing you wouldn’t see the light of the next day.

My Luz, how I miss calling you and hearing you so excited to talk to me. I can’t ever express to you how much everything you were and did meant to me. I am who I am because you taught me to not be afraid of life. Thank you for sitting by my bedside when my life was slipping away. You gently soothed away my ailments with your worn and tired hands. Thank you for every meal you worked hard to prepare with the few ingredients you could afford. I know that you wished you could offer me so much more. Please know my dear Luz, that I never saw the paint chipping off the walls, or noticed when was having a bowl of pinto beans for the fifth day in a row. All I knew was that I was in a wonderful place, eating the best food in the world, with the most beautiful person I know.

My dear friend, please know that you were always a real friend to me. Until we meet again, you will always be in my heart.

Yours,
Yvonne Hernandez